Imagery as a tool to overcome my bingeing disorder

Hello Friends,

Is it really already July?!?!?!??!! WHAT???!??!?!??!! Sadly, I am at around 165 lbs or so. Yes, I have gained. Doesn't matter how many miles I ran last week, binge eating is not cancelled out by the exercise.

OA is not enough, & I REALLY use all the tools & work the steps!! I was even told by my sponsor that I'm just not
willing to give up the foods, follow the directions I'm told...it's that the food takes on a life of its own in my brain!

Yesterday I had a small revelation which I pray WILL be the answer to my problem.

IMAGERY: I closed my eyes & imagined ordering all I wanted & planned to order: my typical binge that I absolutely love is
about 1/2 a pizza with mushrooms, 1/2 a cheesesteak hoagie, 6 hot wings w/blue cheese, & lots of fries w/cheez whiz.
for dessert: a huge cinnamon bun, a brownie, some candy bars, ice cream.

I imagined how amazingly delicious all of this food was for several minutes. Then I imagined the moment I was done.

I FELT LET DOWN. I LET MYSELF DOWN. I CAN'T TURN BACK. I REFUSE TO PURGE. I'M A WRECK. I FEEL SICK & DISGUSTING. I AM ASHAMED.

And I opened my eyes & WAS THRILLED THAT I DID NOT, NOT, NOT do it!!!!!!!!! I felt elated, ecstatic, thrilled, amazingly powerful over this eating disorder.

Yes, I had read OA literature (www.oa.org), emailed OA friends, talked to my husband, wrote about it in my diary, & visited www.bingeeatingtherapy.com. But using imagery was quite powerful.

Hugs & more hugs to you!

May